Sunday, February 15, 2009

The Office of the US Czar Czar

The Federal Agency for Renaming Solutions (FARS), which is working overtime to find a more attractive title for the bank bailout program TARP, will also tackle the task of renaming the Czar Czar—the Czar that rules over all other Czars. The office of the US Czar Czar was recently created to oversee the exponentially growing army of czars appointed to control all aspects of existence.

The czars are being given distinctive names, such as Autocrat for the Car Czar, Munarch for the Municipal Bond Czar, Bail Boss for the Bank Czar and Morticia for the Mortgage Czarina. One possible new name for the Czar Czar has cropped up in the blogosphere, where several stories were posted to the effect that FARS has already decided on the new title, which is to be Cza Cza Gabor.



At 2/15/2009 6:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


PALO ALTO, CA - An international mathematics research team announced today that they had discovered a new integer that surpasses any previously known value "by a totally mindblowing shitload." Project director Yujin Xiao of Stanford University said the theoretical number, dubbed a "Stimulus," could lead to breakthroughs in fields as diverse as astrophysics, quantum mechanics, and Chicago asphalt contracting.

"Unlike previous large numbers like the Googleplex or the Bazillionty, the Stimulus has no static numerical definition," said Xiao. "It keeps growing and growing, compounding factorially, eating up all zeros in its path. It moves freely across Cartesian dimensions and has the power to make any other number irrational."


At 2/15/2009 10:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's gonna be a panel headed by those expert businessmen and private equity investors, Mssrs. Geithner and Summers.

At 2/16/2009 10:37 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hahaha...I always wondered about this. It's somewhat 1984-ish (to me at least) to have a bunch of technocrats running around with titles fashioned after a DICTATOR. In the USA? Scary indeed. My input for the czar czar's title: Supreme Overlord. No just sounds cool.

At 2/16/2009 10:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

We have been assimilated.

At 2/19/2009 4:29 PM, Blogger Jon S. said...

Will the bureaucrats running FARS speak Farsi?


Post a Comment

<< Home