Friday, May 20, 2011

Markets in Everything: Post-Rapture Pet Rescue

"When the Rapture comes what's to become of your loving pets who are left behind? Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind. We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you've received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.

Our service is plain and simple; our fee structure is reasonable. For $135 we will guarantee that should the Rapture occur within ten years of receipt of payment, one pet per residence will be saved. Each additional pet at your residence will be saved for an additional $20 fee. A small price to pay for your peace of mind and the health and safety of your four legged friends."

22 Comments:

At 9/03/2009 10:19 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Really? I want proof they can handle that level of demand after we're gone. It sounds like another Social Security or Medicare empty promise.

Why don't they start by gathering and caring for every pound puppy and kitten, every stray, the foreclosure pets, and disaster pets.

If you want to see the world of atheists after the rapture, go to North Korea. They eat pets there.

BTW, all dogs go to heaven.

 
At 9/03/2009 10:20 AM, Blogger Bill said...

Is this now a website which promotes atheism? Just wondering...

 
At 9/03/2009 10:34 AM, Blogger Matt said...

Of course, the Rapture folks believe that money will lose all value in the run-up to the Rapture, so they're probably snickering at the suckers taking the worthless dollars.

 
At 9/03/2009 11:10 AM, Blogger ExtremeHobo said...

Is this now a website which promotes atheism? Just wondering...

How does this post promote atheism? If you believe in the rapture and want your pets taken care of if it happens during your life then there is nothing wrong with this as long as they deliver on their promises if the rapture happens.

Trust me, there will be a lot of lawyers left after the rapture.

 
At 9/03/2009 11:17 AM, Blogger Prof Frink said...

Is this now a website which promotes atheism? Just wondering...

Seems more like promoting hilarity to me.

 
At 9/03/2009 11:52 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hilarity? Some people have a rather sophomoric definition of humor.

There is no doubt these website are being intentionally scornful of religious folk, Christians in particular. These same people would be outraged at similar websites ridiculing Jews, muslims, minorities, gays, vegetarians, etc. That would be called Hate Speech. Why isn't this?

Now what's really hilarious are the sites selling carbon offsets. I think more highly of someone buying a ShamWow than offsets.

Perhaps I'll become a realtor of beachfront property in Atlanta for the global warming kooks.

Let's start referring to pet owners as animal enslavers.

 
At 9/03/2009 12:44 PM, Anonymous DrTorch said...

I'm a pretty devout Christian. Probably get labeled "fundamentalist" in some circumstances.

I think this is hilarious.

I suppose it's largely b/c I'm very doubtful of pre-tribulation theology. But, I also love a good business plan.

 
At 9/03/2009 4:28 PM, Blogger 1 said...

What?!?!

No doggie heaven?!?!

Not fair!!

 
At 9/03/2009 5:19 PM, Blogger Bill said...

I may not understand exactly how the Rapture works, but wouldn't the folks left behind be pretty busy looking for ways to cool off instead of taking care of the pets?

 
At 9/04/2009 12:52 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The correct answer to whether or not dogs go to heaven is ....

It all depends

 
At 5/20/2011 6:16 PM, Blogger cluemeister said...

Don't tell Obama. He'll want to create the Department of Regulation of Rapture Pet Service Providers.

 
At 5/20/2011 7:04 PM, Blogger Che is dead said...

After having spent the last half century murdering more than 100 million people and enslaving hundreds of millions more it's nice to see athiests embrace the free market. Offering to care for the pooches - for a price - is a big step up from the concentration camps and the gulags. Way to go. Of course, my pooches will be going with me (it wouldn't really be heaven without them) so I think I'll pass on the offer.

 
At 5/20/2011 7:15 PM, Blogger Marko said...

After reading this, I am thinking of setting up a company that insures against losses only caused by attacks by space alien invasions. Anyone want to sign up?

 
At 5/20/2011 8:55 PM, Blogger samuel said...

[quote]There is no doubt these website are being intentionally scornful of religious folk, Christians in particular. These same people would be outraged at similar websites ridiculing Jews, muslims, minorities, gays, vegetarians, etc. That would be called Hate Speech. Why isn't this?[quote]

How do you know that?

 
At 5/20/2011 9:51 PM, Blogger hswalj said...

After reading this, I am thinking of setting up a company that insures against losses only caused by attacks by space alien invasions. Anyone want to sign up?

I'm a lawyer. I'm interested in incorporating your business.

 
At 5/21/2011 7:30 PM, Blogger OBloodyHell said...

>> There is no doubt these website are being intentionally scornful of religious folk, Christians in particular. These same people would be outraged at similar websites ridiculing Jews, muslims, minorities, gays, vegetarians, etc. That would be called Hate Speech. Why isn't this?

Dude, I'm very much a believer, and you sound like a humorless idiot.

Are they making fun of Xtians? Ask me if I CARE. Either the Xtians are correct, in which they certainly will be getting the last laugh, or they are not, in which case the atheists are correct (the third option, in which The Trump is still coming but not in the next 'x' years, is undecidable).

In either case, the factor is that if someone is stupid enough to actually pay them to care for their pet post-Trump then the money will likely be serving someone's good. Even an atheist deserves luxuries for providing a service (even if it's insurance).

 
At 5/21/2011 7:31 PM, Blogger OBloodyHell said...

P.S. Note that the dog is sticking his tongue out. No doubt it's at YOU.

 
At 5/22/2011 9:26 AM, Blogger morganovich said...

"These same people would be outraged at similar websites ridiculing Jews, muslims, minorities, gays, vegetarians, etc. That would be called Hate Speech. Why isn't this?"

what?

on what basis can you possibly make this claim? ever read the onion?

there is nothing even remotely hateful in this "doggie rapture" offer.

it's humor. satire.

leaving aside for a moment how ridiculous the whole hate speech concept is (and how unconstitutional), this could not possibly be construed as hate speech.

please show us anything hateful in it.

you seem to have awfully thin skin. that sounds like your problem. you need to lighten up.

 
At 5/22/2011 9:28 AM, Blogger morganovich said...

"Is this now a website which promotes atheism? Just wondering..."

what a ridiculous claim.

this article has nothing to do with religion advocacy. it's a funny business model. (and likely a great one if you can get people to sign up)

 
At 5/22/2011 12:40 PM, Blogger Ron H. said...

""Now what's really hilarious are the sites selling carbon offsets. I think more highly of someone buying a ShamWow than offsets."

So, you think it's all right to laugh at stupid people?

 
At 5/23/2011 8:11 AM, Blogger juandos said...

"So, you think it's all right to laugh at stupid people?"...

Oh come on Ron H, humor is where you find it...:-)

I quit laughing when stupid people vote though...

 
At 5/23/2011 1:02 PM, Blogger Ron H. said...

"I quit laughing when stupid people vote though..."

...which is all too common.

 

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home