Americans With No Abilities Act

On Monday, Congress approved the "Americans With No Abilities Act," sweeping new legislation that provides benefits and protection for more than 135 million talentless Americans.

The act is being hailed as a major victory for the millions upon millions of U.S. citizens who lack any real skills.

Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million important-sounding "middle man" positions will be created in the white-collar sector for nonabled persons, providing them with an illusory sense of purpose and ability. Mandatory, non-performance-based raises and promotions will also be offered to create a sense of upward mobility for even the most unremarkable, utterly replaceable employees.

The legislation also provides corporations with incentives to hire nonabled workers, including tax breaks for those who hire one non-germane worker for every two talented hirees.

Read more here.